literally had 100 drinks last night.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
