I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
