tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
