i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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