Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
