I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
