So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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