He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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