He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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