I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I just pynch a tree in the face
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I think a kid would responsible me up
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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