dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
