You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize