Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
