You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
