Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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