called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Randomize
