Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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