Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
