yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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