Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
