We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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