Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize