My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
