its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
