even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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