I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
