I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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