Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
