She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
