yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize