my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
