So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
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