Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
