last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
