Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
