Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
