Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
