This dress was meant to end up on your floor
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
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