So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
It's just like the Real World with babies
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
