I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize