Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Randomize
