One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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