can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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