If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
stop calling my apartment porn island.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
