You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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