so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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