watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize