Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
