Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
