we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
