Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
