I wish I could punch you in the face.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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