I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
