Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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