dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
