I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
