Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Dignity is for republicans.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
