like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
