I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
