i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
