The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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