I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize