Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
This is my gift to your gina
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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