I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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