you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
where are my eyebrows?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize