the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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