So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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