Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
