More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
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