I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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