Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
