we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
