Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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