Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
