Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
