I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
