do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
