The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
