I accidentally had phone sex last night
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
