went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
