Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Randomize
