she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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