I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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