i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
