just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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