You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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