It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
