I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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