advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
