can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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