wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
he shaved USA in his pubs
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
