Where did you get a picture of my penis
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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