He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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