he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
