Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
