I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
