Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Someone signed my nipple.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
